The Diary

Joan's brush with security

By Simon Rocker, January 7, 2010

After last month’s bomb attempt on an American plane, security experts say we need more sophisticated profiling of passengers to spot likely suspects before they get too far. So watch out, then, if you are an elderly Jewish comedienne.

The redoubtable Joan Rivers was stopped on Sunday from boarding a plane from Costa Rica back to the USA. Officials’ suspicions were aroused because her passport bore dual names, Joan Rosenberg aka Joan Rivers (Rosenberg her late husband’s name).

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Crisis in the kosher kitchen

By Simon Rocker, January 7, 2010

I think someone better declare a state of emergency. My wife’s copy of Evelyn Rose’s International Jewish Cookbook has fallen to bits but when she tried to order a new copy, she found it was unavailable. How could this be, since the Bible of kosher cuisine must surely be the most popular book in Anglo-Jewish homes after the siddur?

Publishers Anova reassure me that the book is “not out of print” but “out of stock”. An updated, illustrated version is in preparation but not due out till the end of the year, or even early next.

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Our yiddishe madam

By Simon Rocker, January 7, 2010

I thought Big Brother had been put out of its misery but Channel 4 is inflicting one last celebrity version on us.

For followers of small screen Jewry, among this year’s entrants is Heidi Fleiss, whose claim to fame lies largely in having being jailed in the 1990s for supplying call girls to Hollywood’s rich and famous.

Her activities have since included running a laundrette in Nevada. The programme-makers must hope she’ll be washing her dirty linen in public.

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Pork's not all white

By Simon Rocker, January 7, 2010

Retired Israeli cardiologist Eli Landau is doubtless causing palpitations among his countrymen with the publication of a cookbook about his favourite food: pork. He claims that The White Book is the first in Israel devoted to the euphemistically called “white meat”.

Asked about the likely reaction from his religious compatriots, he replied: “I don’t bother them, they shouldn’t bother me. Live and let live.”

Advice not applied to the pigs, a stuffed specimen of which he was sewing up with surgical thread when his Sky News interviewer found him.

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Hornby’s second thoughts

By Simon Rocker, December 30, 2009

Author Nick Hornby has revealed he considered changing the Jewish identity of a key character in his new film, An Education, for which he wrote the screenplay.

It is based on journalist Lynn Barber’s memoir about her relationship as a teenager with an older man, called in the film David Goldman (as played by actor Peter Sarsgaard, below). Goldman is a dodgy wheeler-dealer whose contacts include the 60s racketeer Peter Rackman.

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No show Oborne

By Simon Rocker, December 30, 2009

One man unable to make Limmud was journalist Peter Oborne, presenter of Channel 4’s recent attempted expose of the Israel lobby in Britain. He was invited to speak at the conference. but was too busy on assignment in Zimbabwe to complete his application form in time.

Or was the Israel lobby secretly out there on safari?

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Limmud table talk

By Simon Rocker, December 30, 2009

Lots of feelgood fraternising at the Limmud conference where United Synagogue Rabbis Michael Rosenfeld and Natan Levy breakfasted with Liberal Rabbi Danny Rich, and Jewish Leadership Council chief exec Jeremy Newmark and his team courted the grassroots at the bar till 2am.

“Who says we are remote?” tweeted the still sober JLC head.

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Lock up your dummies

By Simon Rocker, December 30, 2009

On Edgware K, an email forum where kosher folk advertise barmitzvah lessons or announce the latest addition to their brood, the following message was posted: “Seeking a pregnant mannekin”.

Is some new golem on the loose in Middlesex? Or could there be any link to another message on the forum seeking loan of a “maternity wedding gown”?

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Yiddish test for Yentob

By Simon Rocker, December 30, 2009

Alan Yentob’s TV foray into Scrabble last week saw him take on the word game’s top woman player in a test to pick out genuine words from a list. “Kittel,” he was heard murmuring, “I’d rather like that to be a word”.

Kittel indeed is one: the white robe worn on High Holy Days by some Ashkenazim, which might explain its unfamiliarity to the Sephardi Yentob.

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Nude bikers' cold reception

By Simon Rocker, December 23, 2009

Riding bicycles may be ecologically sound but not in New York’s strictly Orthodox enclave of Williamsburg.

Chasidic residents successfully lobbied for the removal of a bike lane, citing parking problems and reportedly the invasion of scantily-clad riders.

In response, two-wheeled objectors had planned a protest last Saturday with a topless ride through the area.

But providence, and the weather, intervened: the downturn in temperatures forced the stripped protesters to cover up.

Is there a prayer for frost?

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