The Diary

JN’s ‘crooked slimy Jews’

By Simon Round, October 23, 2008

Until now we have assumed that The Jewish News was on the side of, well, the Jews. However, a quick perusal of the headlines of last week's issue might lead one to assume that it has gone over to the other side.

"A crooked slimy Jew" screamed a headline on page two (about a virulent antisemite who made the accusation against an American judge).

Meanwhile, over on page nine we learn that "Car crash: ‘Jew job'" - a story informing us that the death of Austrian right-wing politician is being blamed on the Jews.

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Chicken soup, the proof

By Simon Round, October 23, 2008

Hard week at the office? Well, it turns out that chicken soup really is the perfect antidote to stress on a Friday night.

Japanese scientists have found that Jewish penicillin helps to reduce blood pressure. When the soup is made with chicken-leg meat, the broth contains an ACE inhibitor, a chemical which reduces tension in muscles, in turn reducing tension on blood vessels.

Go easy on the chopped liver, and you should be fine.

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In Israel, don’t cross roads

By Simon Round, October 23, 2008

With the reduction in the number of terror attacks, Israel is becoming a safer country. Correct?

Well, visitors to Israel probably are perfectly safe - as long as they don't try to cross the road.

A new report claims that Israel is the second most dangerous country in the world for pedestrians - only North Korea is more hazardous. There has been a 14 per cent rise in pedestrian fatalities in Israel since the start of the year, according to data supplied by the National Road Safety Authority.

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Hamas: Jews caused crisis

By Simon Round, October 23, 2008

You may be under the misapprehension that the global financial crisis was caused by the dodgy dealing of sub-prime-mortgage products in the US market, but now thanks to Hamas we know who was really to blame for the credit crunch. It was the Jews.

According to Hamas spokesman Fawzi Barhum, the whole problem was the result of "the bad administrative and financial management and a bad banking system put into place and controlled by the Jewish lobby".

With such acute thinking and honed analysis, Barhum could soon be putting Robert Peston out of a job.

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Now you can look like Palin

By Simon Round, October 17, 2008

Love her or hate her, there is no doubt that Sarah Palin has made a big impression since her introduction to the US presidential race as John McCain's running partner.

The latest evidence of this is the fact that Sheitel.com, a Brooklyn wig shop, has unveiled the "Sarah Palin Wig" for Orthodox (presumably Republican) women.

Boruch Shlanger, one of the shop's owners, said: "It is very easy to maintain, and is a very classic look."
If so, it must be the only thing about Palin which is low-maintenance.

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Chickpeagate: Israel reacts

By Simon Round, October 17, 2008

Last week we told of how the Association of Lebanese Industrialists planned to sue Israel over what it sees as the theft of its national dish - hummus.

This week, the Israelis hit back. Israeli hummus-seller Itzchak Rachmo told The Independent: "Because they [the Lebanese] can't create planes and guns and atomic weapons, they are trying to latch on to something so stupid."

Even the Palestinians are backing the Israelis on this one. Jerusalem hummus-seller Abu Shukri said the foods were part of the whole of the Levant and not just Lebanon.

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Sugar cures antisemitism

By Simon Round, October 17, 2008

The cure for antisemitism has been discovered - it is sugar. According to a new study, sugar helps give the brain the fuel needed to suppress prejudiced opinions.

In the study, a group of students were given lemonade - half were given the sugary variety and the other half drank lemonade sweetened artificially.

They were then told to write an essay about the day of a gay man called Sammy. Those who drank the sugary lemonade were less likely to use gay stereotypes - possibly because the higher glucose levels made them more reasonable.

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Schlep for Barack

By Simon Round, October 16, 2008

As you might have read in the foreign pages last week, The Great Schlep has become part of the US election.

Ari Wallach, the movement's founder, wants young Jews to fly to Florida to persuade their conservative grandparents to vote for Obama. He has persuaded comedienne Sarah Silverman to post a video on YouTube urging young Jews to join the campaign.

Well, the Republicans are fighting back. Jackie Mason has now posted a video urging Florida's Jews to back McCain.

It could come down to hanging chads again.

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Er, Spurs have no Jewish fans

By Simon Round, October 10, 2008

Spurs supporters, many of whom call themselves "The Yids", were instructed by their own website not to attempt to bring any Stars of David to the game the Wisla Krakow Uefa Cup tie, so as not to "make a political statement". A significant section of the Polish team's support is notorious for antisemitic chants.

So in effect, Spurs fans were told not to make the antisemites angry. Wasn't that tried in the 1930s?

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Hurndall drama turn-off

By Simon Round, October 10, 2008

We at the Diary enjoy a conspiracy theory as much as the next column, and therefore are always on the lookout for television programmes with Jewish content programmed for times when Jews cannot watch.
The latest example is The Shooting of Thomas Hurndall - a drama based on the shooting of the British peace activist by the Israeli army in the Gaza Strip five years ago.

The film will be shown next Monday evening, when religious Jews will be observing Succot and therefore cannot watch television.

Coincidence? The truth is out there.

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