The Diary

Rabbi dreams of Xmas

By Simon Round, November 7, 2008

The word, Christmas, has been banned by a council-funded charity, leading to outrage in the city of Oxford.

Oxford City Council has endorsed an idea from cultural development agency Oxford Inspires to call the end of year festivities the "Winter Light Festival".

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Hitler’s trout in hot water

By Simon Round, November 7, 2008

A Belgian TV channel has dropped plans to broadcast a TV cookery show on Hitler's "favourite dish".

The programme, on public broadcaster VRT, caused heated controversy when it cooked up plans to devote an episode to the trout in butter sauce beloved of the Fuhrer. Presenter Jeroen Meus said in the programme, which has already been produced: "Hitler was the most powerful man in the world and could have had caviar. But it's simple trout instead."

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Your shul-seat diagnosis

By Simon Round, October 30, 2008

A while ago we asked you to vote on the comfort of your synagogue seat. of the 40 who voted, only five per cent of you rated your shul seat as "heavenly", 57 per cent said seats were "adequate" and 38 per cent were considered then "excruciating". There must be some sore bottoms out there.

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‘Hit A Jew Day’ is not a hit

By Simon Round, October 30, 2008

Four American schoolchidren are in trouble over their less-than-inspired plan for a Hit A Jew Day at their school in Missouri, in which around 10 of the district's 35 Jewish children were struck. The 11- and 12-year-olds children now face exclusion from school. We suggest humiliation in the manner of Borat's Throw The Jew Down the Well.

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Berko gets ruff over dog

By Simon Round, October 30, 2008

Former Premier League star Eyal Berkovic has angered animal-lovers in Israel.

During an interview last weekend on the country's Channel 10 TV, the 36-year-old told viewers that his family dog, Chuckie, was a nuisance and that he shoved him away whenever he came near.

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Is Gaza the new Hawaii?

By Simon Round, October 30, 2008

You wouldn't normally associate Hawaii with the Gaza Strip, but Palestine activists have found a tenuous link between the two - which is why they have decide to name a ferry service which runs between Gaza and Cyprus "Aloha Palestine".

According Aloha Palestine's first press release, Palestine and Hawaii share "common values of hospitality, generosity and desire for a just peace". The organisation, which has grown out of the Free Gaza campaign, is spearheaded by Cherie Blair's half sister, Lauren Booth.

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JN’s ‘crooked slimy Jews’

By Simon Round, October 23, 2008

Until now we have assumed that The Jewish News was on the side of, well, the Jews. However, a quick perusal of the headlines of last week's issue might lead one to assume that it has gone over to the other side.

"A crooked slimy Jew" screamed a headline on page two (about a virulent antisemite who made the accusation against an American judge).

Meanwhile, over on page nine we learn that "Car crash: ‘Jew job'" - a story informing us that the death of Austrian right-wing politician is being blamed on the Jews.

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Chicken soup, the proof

By Simon Round, October 23, 2008

Hard week at the office? Well, it turns out that chicken soup really is the perfect antidote to stress on a Friday night.

Japanese scientists have found that Jewish penicillin helps to reduce blood pressure. When the soup is made with chicken-leg meat, the broth contains an ACE inhibitor, a chemical which reduces tension in muscles, in turn reducing tension on blood vessels.

Go easy on the chopped liver, and you should be fine.

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In Israel, don’t cross roads

By Simon Round, October 23, 2008

With the reduction in the number of terror attacks, Israel is becoming a safer country. Correct?

Well, visitors to Israel probably are perfectly safe - as long as they don't try to cross the road.

A new report claims that Israel is the second most dangerous country in the world for pedestrians - only North Korea is more hazardous. There has been a 14 per cent rise in pedestrian fatalities in Israel since the start of the year, according to data supplied by the National Road Safety Authority.

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Hamas: Jews caused crisis

By Simon Round, October 23, 2008

You may be under the misapprehension that the global financial crisis was caused by the dodgy dealing of sub-prime-mortgage products in the US market, but now thanks to Hamas we know who was really to blame for the credit crunch. It was the Jews.

According to Hamas spokesman Fawzi Barhum, the whole problem was the result of "the bad administrative and financial management and a bad banking system put into place and controlled by the Jewish lobby".

With such acute thinking and honed analysis, Barhum could soon be putting Robert Peston out of a job.

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