The Diary

Seeds of hatred

By Simon Round, December 11, 2008

An American supermarket group is in trouble after it was discovered it was stocking a virulently antisemitic packet of... sunflower seeds
The owner of the Net Cost group apologised when shoppers started complaining about a brand of seeds featuring a sinister looking, kippah-wearing Jew.

The packet bore the label “Shalom from Israel” in Russian and, on the other side, a slang phrase meaning “spit them out everywhere”, alluding to what snackers might like to do with Jews.

An abashed Edward Shnayder, owner of Net Cost, quickly withdrew the seeds from all its branches.

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Bosnich saves the day

By Simon Round, December 11, 2008

Twelve years ago, goalkeeper Mark Bosnich got himself into trouble after giving a mock Hitler salute when playing for Aston Villa at, of all clubs, Tottenham Hotspur.

Now his rehabilitation is complete after he coached at the Maccabi Futsal Club in his native Australia.

After teaching children at the club, Bosnich said he still regretted the mistake. “The thing was, my Auntie, who lives in Croatia, is Jewish.”

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PA pulls plug on Al Jazeera

By Simon Round, December 11, 2008

The mother of all broigeses has broken out between the Al Jazeera news channel and the Palestinian Authority.

Al Jazeera has been banned from the Mukata Presidential compound in Ramallah after the TV channel failed to carry a live broadcast of Palestinan Authority President Mahmoud Abbas. To compound the insult, Al Jazeera instead screened a live speech by the Hamas leader Khaled Mashaal in Damascus.

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The Anne Frank flat

By Simon Round, December 4, 2008

The prize for the tasteless Anne Frank promotion of the week goes to an Amsterdam accommodation agency, advertising its holiday apartments near Anne Frank’s house.

“Amsterdam Stay Apartments present the Anne Frank apartment,” announces the website. “Live like Anne Frank during your Amsterdam stay with keys to your own roof attic apartment.”

Living like Anne Frank eh? That means visitors will be locked into an overcrowded apartment with no privacy, restricted food and under constant fear of being betrayed to the Gestapo.

That sounds like a great holiday.

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Koran texts, via Israel

By Simon Round, December 4, 2008

Busy Muslims who are unable to fit in five prayers a day can now get a Koran text service — thanks to an Israeli company. Pelephone now offers users the chance to tap into verses from the Koran whenever they want for £1 a month.

What next? Old testament on demand for Jewish customers? Er, yes. Pelephone has been providing a Bible service since last year.

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Bush’s Chanucah mix-up

By Simon Round, December 4, 2008

The White House has got its seasonal holidays mixed up. Again.

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Maureen on Acid

By Simon Round, November 27, 2008

It has been a big week for confessions by Jewish women of a certain age. Both Maureen Lipman and Esther Rantzen divulged they had been a little wild way back in the '60s.

Lipman says she took LSD as well as cannabis.

"I took it once and rather unpredictably ended up with someone I shouldn't have," she told a Five documentary entitled Sex Drugs and Rock ‘n'Roll: The 60s revealed. However, Lipman was not a hardcore druggie . She admits she never "actually learnt to roll a joint. I guess it was that Jewish Princess stuff".

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Bah humbug

By Simon Round, November 27, 2008

On Monday's Newsnight, Jeremy Paxman interviewed a panel including JC columnist Daniel Finkelstein on the tax rejig. "This is a good Christmas to be Jewish," joked Finkelstein. And a good Chanucah to be Hindu.

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Yasmin’s false start

By Simon Round, November 27, 2008

Independent columnist Yasmin Alibhai-Brown claimed last Monday that since Stephen Pollard has taken up editorship of the JC, the paper, which formerly expressed a range of views, "is turning hardline".

If true, this would be quite some achievement. Alibhai-Brown's claim about the new, hardline nature of the JC was published several hours before the new man even took charge.

And they say Jews are paranoid.

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Should they be c3n5oring number p1ate5?

By Simon Round, November 27, 2008

An MP has discovered that the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) is censoring number plates.
Among those which have been withheld are those approximating to the words Hizbollah (HE58OLA), Bus bomb (BU58OMB) and combinations resembling Jihad and Hamas. GA5OVN (gas oven) and GOO5TEP (goose step) have also been banned, as well as combinations of letters and numbers which hint at sex or alcohol.

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