Bibi’s new government must be an April fool

With deep divisions and the Foreign Minister charged with fraud, the administration looks like a joke


By Uri Dromi, April 16, 2009
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Mr Binyamin Netanyahu has just formed the largest government ever in the history of Israel: 30 ministers and seven deputy ministers. People have raised doubts about this government’s ability to function. A government spokesman agreed to address questions of the concerned public.

Q: Why so many ministers? Isn’t that just a pure waste?
A: On the contrary. This is a good use of taxpayer money. Had all these people not been ministers, they would be roaming around the Knesset, scheming against the government and trying to undermine it.

Q: But isn’t that the duty of the parliament — to limit the power of the government?
A: In normal democracies, yes — but not in Israel. In a country surrounded by so many enemies, the last thing you need is hassle from parliament.

Q: What will a government meeting look like? If every minister speaks for 10 minutes, it’s 300 minutes altogether, or five hours.
A: You really have to look at the bright side. When the first 15 ministers speak, for two and a half hours, the others can take a nap. Then they rotate. Hard working ministers need a rest.

Q: How will this government deal with the economic crisis?
A: That’s simple. It will take from the poor and give to the rich.

Q: You mean, the other way around?
A: Yes, of course, I’m sorry. It will give to the rich and take from the poor.

Q: What about the peace process?
A: What peace process?

Q: Between the Israelis and the Palestinians.
A: Oh, that peace process. This government will surely give it its fullest attention.

Q: But how? Half of the ministers are for a two-state solution, while the other half are totally against it.
A: Precisely. This government is fit to address the situation we are facing. Those favouring a peace move will deal with Fatah and Abu Mazen, while those opposing it will deal with Hamas.

Q: How the [expletive] is it going to work? This is nothing but a government of paralysis!
A: Calm down, sir. Sometimes, inaction is better than action. Look, for example, at the actions of the last government, in Lebanon and in Gaza.

Q: What about Avigdor Lieberman?
A: What about him?

Q: Is he really the right person to represent Israel as Foreign Minister? Didn’t he threaten in the past to bomb the Aswan Dam? Didn’t he just declare the Annapolis agreement null and void? Isn’t he a bull in a china shop?
A: Don’t worry, we already took care of it. As we speak, the police are investigating him for money laundering.

Q: What’s the matter with you people? Every prime minister or minister you elect is eventually found to be a crook.
A: Not true. We know they are crooks before we elect them. This way we avoid the scandal later.

Q: Excuse me, but it just occurred to me, that the date this government was established…
A: Sorry, I really have to go…

Q: …No wait, wasn’t it April 1, All Fools’ Day?
A: Well, if you insist, yes, it was.

Uri Dromi is a columnist based in Jerusalem

    Last updated: 10:31am, April 16 2009