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Help! Being Jewish makes me wild

By Venetia Thompson, May 13, 2010

"Venetia, we came to this party to try to meet eligible Jewish men - you know that you're currently canoodling with the only Muslim here? And take off that fake moustache. It isn't funny. You look more Hitler than Dali."

Shortly afterwards I managed to fall over on the dance floor, landing in a tangled mess with said drunken Muslim, probably flashing slightly as I'd not been wearing any knickers underneath my tights (women reading will understand - tight dresses often don't allow for underwear. There is nothing worse than VPL. Other than flashing, of course).

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Though one guy is stupid, two guys are wise

By John Nathan, May 13, 2010

On the same basis that it is far more acceptable to be disparaging towards Jews if the disparager is Jewish, as a member of the great British public I should be able to say without fear of causing offence (or being accused of bigotry) that it - the great British public (or GBP) - is a bunch of bone-headed ignoramuses.

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Shavuot leaves me feeling sour

By Simon Round, May 6, 2010

It's rare that I write a column about anything to do with religion. Sure, I've got an O Level in religious studies and went to Hebrew classes about twice a month (the other two Sundays I would bunk off to the park with my brother), but there are people better qualified than I am to talk intelligently about Judaism.

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So, then, who is a Jewish voter?

By Martin Bright, May 6, 2010

The three main political parties pursued Jewish voters with something approaching religious fervour during the election. The pages of this newspaper provide a clear testimony to this. Gordon Brown, David Cameron and Nick Clegg all gave thoughtful answers to a series of questions posed by the JC, while a series of senior politicians gave interviews and wrote pieces aimed at reassuring the community that their parties had Jewish interests at heart.

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Separation not co-operation is peace aim now

By Nathan Jeffay, May 6, 2010

An Israeli television crew got a shock recently on a visit to the Palestinian city of Ramallah. For it seems that the "moderate" Palestinian Authority, upon which the world has pinned hopes for peace, has paid tribute to a terrorist. A brand new road-sign informed the TV crew that they were standing on Yahya Ayyash Street, named in honour of one of Hamas's most notorious bomb-makers. Ayyash, who was assassinated by Israel in 1996, also helped to direct suicide attacks that killed dozens of Israelis.

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Want my vote? Be honest on Israel

By Richard Millett, April 29, 2010

As a British Jew, I sometimes feel as though we have regressed 200 years, especially when general elections come around.

Two-hundred years ago, a Jewish state was nothing more than a figment of some madman's imagination. Jews were simply a religious group needing the protection of whatever state they happened to reside in.

Under Muslim rule, Jews constituted a Millet - a separate nation. They could organise their own religious practices just as long as they were loyal to the Empire.

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Relax those shoulders, release that inner pride

By Venetia Thompson, April 29, 2010

Well, you've got to be Jewish - only a Jew would wake up drunk with a half-eaten matzah balanced on top of her right breast.

"So you're loud and proud eh?" - I hadn't realised that, in writing my first book, I was simultaneously "outing" myself as Jewish on the back cover until a Jewish friend of mine rang me last week and read out the blurb, laughing.

I wasn't brought up Jewish - we lived in deepest, darkest Devon, and my mother had lost contact with all her Jewish family in north London before I was born.

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Our beliefs are your beliefs

By Peter Mandelson, April 29, 2010

On May 6, I believe we have a fundamental choice to make about the values that we want to define our shared future. I believe the Labour Party is driven by many of the same values that have historically united and defined the Jewish community.

At the heart of all we do lies a commitment to tolerance, justice and fairness, achieved through the combined efforts of a community united by shared beliefs and aspirations.

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A more dignified election, please

By Simon Round, April 29, 2010

It was my first time. I had waited 19 years and I was understandably very excited. But when it actually happened it was a terrible anticlimax. Was that it? I thought to myself as I smoked a cigarette afterwards. Was that what all the fuss was about? The location - a synagogue hall, as I remember - was not the most glamorous and I was left wondering whether I had even done the right thing - after all I was only a teenager. Maybe I should have waited until I was older. Since then I've done it another four times and it has never been remotely satisfying.

Every time I cast my vote I

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Jewish Vikings and Groucho Marx

By Peter Rosengard, April 22, 2010

'Have you got Trapped on a Small Island by a Huge Volcanic Dust Cloud?" I asked the assistant at Daunts bookshop.

"Who's it by?", she asked. "I'll look it up."

I got back on my red Vespa scooter, drove 10 yards down the street and parked outside Strada to have a single espresso.

"Got any spare change mate?", a very overweight youth in his late teens asked, waving a lager can in one hand.

"How can I possibly know?", I replied. "I haven't lived the rest of my life yet." I replied.

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