Why I wish I had said kaddish

By Miriam Shaviv
December 3, 2009

My column this week is on why I wish I had said kaddish for my mother:

 Last week was my mother Judy’s first yahrzeit. She died, aged just
57, following a long illness and was buried, at her request, in her
beloved Israel. The family is — naturally — still reeling from our
loss, still getting used to a new reality. How we miss her grace and
good humour, her courage, her insights, her love for us all. It has
been a very long year.

And yet, in some ways, I wish it had been longer. Although my 12
months of mourning are officially over — and life, in theory, now goes
back to “normal” — I feel I have not yet had a real chance to grieve. I
thought that Jewish ritual would show me the way but it played a
smaller role than I had expected or wanted.

To read the rest click here

Gary Rosenblatt, editor of the NY Jewish Week, also writes about saying kaddish this week, in a way which dovetails nicely with my piece.


gordon bennett

Sat, 12/05/2009 - 13:34

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This is a wonderful piece, Miriam. And not wishing to sound in any way patronising, you appear to be an an intelligent woman, so why didn't you just step out of the Orthodox mind-set and recite kaddish. Years ago, the JC was writing about modern Orthodox women reciting kaddish. Has the United Synagogue not moved on from then? Where is the modernity that Chief Rabbi -- once Sir, now Lord -- Sacks was supposed to introduce? Surely for thinking people like yourself there has to be a better way, perhaps away from the United Synagogue and in Masorti or Reform. They seem like places much more in tune with our needs.


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